This is not anything other than a stray thought I had that I needed to flesh out. We know that Star Wars is really the story of the very short Skywalker lineage as it begins genetically then progresses philosophically. But one main stand-out in the history of the Skywalker family is Obi-wan Kenobi, the Jedi Master and friend of both Anakin and Luke. So, here is a ridiculous and absurd take on the Skywalker story.

Our first introduction to Obi-wan is in Phantom Menace where he begins as a Padawan (Jedi in training) with his teacher Quigon Jinn. When they walk into a waiting room, Obi-wan mentions that he feels something elusive to which Quigon mentions “I don’t sense anything.” This is important. Later we see the Master and Padawan in front of the Jedi Council telling about Darth Maul and Master Samuel L. Jackson says he doesn’t believe the Sith could return without the Council knowing about it, to which Master Yoda says, “Hard to see, the Dark Side is.” This should be our first indication that Obi-wan is familiar with the Dark Side. He sensed it on the mission as a Padawan and even the Jedi Council was blind to it, including his Master who was more of a Grey Jedi (more concerned with the Force than the rules of the Jedi, even using mind control to get a transport earlier).

Later in this same installment, Quigon is killed, and Obi-wan uses his rage to confront Darth Maul in what is arguably one of the best duels in the franchise. He is faster, stronger, and more determined to kill Maul than capture him. Palpatine eyes him at the end, but also notes the boy with incredible potential.

The next time we see him, he is working with a more experienced Anakin, but constantly seems annoyed by him (another emotion that leads to anger/rage). He allows Anakin to spend time with Padme, possibly in hopes of using their connection for his own gain, even assigning him to her personal protection, as a way of “uncovering” the breadcrumb trail that he, himself, laid down so the clone army could be “discovered.”

In addition, he was “held captive” by the trade federation and interrogated by Darth Tyrannus (Count Dooku), a direct connection to Palpatine. It is unknown what information was “leaked” to the Sith, but his “capture” led to the acquisition and common use of the clone army, a necessity for the Sith to gain information on the Jedi and an operational presence in the galaxy. Later he confronts Dooku and is sidelined by a minor injury, as Dooku does not want to lose a valuable spy/asset.

In the next installment, Obi-wan guides Anakin to the Chancellor’s ship in the middle of the space battle with the purpose of killing Darth Tyrannus in front of Palpatine to make his intentions to join the Sith clear, however, he fights valiantly only to have Palpatine give the honor to Anakin. Later Obi-wan ignores the emotional instability of his Jedi friend. Remember, the Jedi “stretch out” with their feelings to find information. And as close as Obi-wan and Anakin are as warriors, Obi-wan doesn’t confront him about his immense guilt for killing the entire band of men, women and children in the camp that held his mother captive, or even the execution of Tyrannus. Nor does he confront him about Anakin’s love for Padme. At least, not until it proves useful. He sets up Anakin to expect more from the Council and allows his friendship with Palpatine to grow, allowing the Sith Lord to twist Anakin’s mind, while Obi-wan “warns” him to be careful.

Once Anakin transitions to Darth Vader, Obi-wan realizes that his future as a Sith Lord is over, so he goes all in with the Jedi in order to exact revenge for losing his favored place at Palpatine’s side. In the final confrontation, it is anger and frustration that drive Obi-wan to fight Vader, not duty, even making up the ridiculous line, “Only Sith deal in absolutes,” as an excuse to push the fight forward. Then after winning the battle, severing limbs from his former Padawan, rather than killing him, Obi-wan leaves what’s left of Vader for Palpatine to see, believing that Palpatine will then beckon him to his side. He did not expect for Palpatine to go all-in on Vader, even creating a mechanical body to keep him around.

Out of revenge, Obi-wan takes Luke and deposits him with the same man that was careless enough to let Anakin’s mother die, believing that he would grow up to be a useless farmer. But when the droids show up again, his anger toward the emperor and Anakin rekindle and he feels the best way to get that revenge is by throwing Luke into the rebellion to either get killed, or miraculously, kill Vader himself. So he takes Luke to a place where “you’ll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy,” uses mind control, hires a worthless pilot, and begins Luke’s training to create a ripple in the Force that Palpatine would feel compelled to eliminate.

As he confronts Vader on the Death Star, he realizes that letting Luke die in the cargo bay would not get the attention of Palpatine. Seeing Luke, he purposely ghosts as Vader swings making Luke believe Vader killed him. Vader is distracted from the fight in the cargo bay, obviously confused, actually stepping on the robe of his former master to try to figure out what just happened. Luke, not realizing that sabers don’t vaporize people, takes the bait. Then as a ghost, Obi-wan continues to guide him toward vengeance, making Vader’s death his prime objective, and robbing Palpatine of his favorite apprentice in the process. Even going so far as to help him blow up the Death Star and getting trained by Yoda, himself.

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